TEXAS PETE POWER POLL HEAT INDEX CHILI PEPPERS
Ranking those who carried on while others around them were crushed by failure and/or incompetence.
1. Will Muschamp
While OVERCOMING ADVERSITY ON THE FIELD, Muschamp's team crushed one of two remaining threats to his trip to Atlanta and brought national attention to voice immodulation.
2. Dan Mullen
Unlike a certain team also within the state of Mississippi (and not the one where the quarterback's mother gets arrested at the game), who has often said, "If we can just get to the Alabama game undefeated", Mullen got his team to 7-0 heading into the Alabama game and won a Sun Belt crown along the way (NEVER GONNA STOP).
3. AJ McCarron
With an assist to the Tennessee defense, but McCarron made the throws that were open and now has some Heisman WE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT AT ALABAMA RESPECT OPPONENTS AND PLAY SLOWER.
4. Florida defense
Yet another offense ground into a fine paste by the Gators, making Connor Shaw and Dylan Thompson look worse than Zach Mettenberger against them.
5. LSU defense
From now on, every LSU quarterback should be forced to wear number 9 until he proves that he is not Jordan Jefferson or worse.
6. Morgan Newton
He threw and ran for a TD, while causing only incomplete pass damage to his team.
7. Zac Stacy
You've just read the name of Vanderbilt's all-time leading rusher and assistant in the eventual firing of Gene Chizik.
8. Bye Weeks
An entire Saturday with no stress, frantic pacing, and shouting at inanimate objects.
9. Tyler Russell
15 touchdowns and only 1 interception. The pace of play is about to jump up a notch, but those are the kind of numbers you put up against bad defenses.
10. Aaron Murray
There's nothing like a helping of Kentucky defense to get your mind right. Ignoring the South Carolina disaster, Murray is completing nearly 71% of his passes.
JEFFERSON PILOT POWER POLL OF FAILURE
Ranking those who collapsed under the weight of their incompetence and/or lack of skill
1. Gene Chizik
What's even worse than being reduced to the strategy of trying to hang around late against Vandy and steal a win is that said strategy did not work.
2. Connor Shaw
There is no greater signal to fans that you're about to get your teeth kicked in when your quarterback fumbles on the first play of the game and the other team recovers it on the two.
3. Tyler Bray
Right now, Bray would probably give all the thrown beer bottles in the world for a citation-free afternoon of violating most of the state of Tennessee's personal watercraft laws.
4. Johnny Manziel
Luckily for A&M fans, Manziel is probably only going to try the across-the-body pass another 10-15 times in his career, so you should feel the stress melting away right now.
5. Dylan Thompson
The good news for Shaw and Thompson is that since they both were awful, Spurrier doesn't have enough time to let them know of their failure as much as he wants to do. There's only so much time in each day and driving range.
6. Will Muschamp/Mark Richt
Forced to spend an entire Saturday in Jacksonville.
7. Georgia fans
Again, forced to spend a weekend in Jacksonville, and have not rioted in Athens to get this game moved back to a campus-only event. WHO WILLINGLY THROWS AWAY A CONFERENCE HOME GAME EVERY OTHER YEAR?
8. The lady sitting next to me on the plane from Memphis to Austin
This happened a few weeks ago, but I just remembered it, so now you're gonna hear about it. Unsolicited, I repeat and stress, UNSOLICITED, I was told of her son-in-law's (I think), who is a lawyer, arrest in some sort of drug distribution ring and details related to that. Then, after I opened my book and began reading, I got questions about what I do and whatnot. I should have said I listen to people's terrible stories then publish them on the Internet.
9. Morgan Newton
A 0.7 yards per pass attempt cannot go unrecognized.
10. Nick Saban
PAAAAWWWLLLLL, GIVIN' UP A FIELD GOAL THAT LATE IN THE FOURTH QUARTER? THAT'S GOT TO GET FIXED BECAUSE THERE CAN'T BE NONE OF THAT IN THE SOUTHERNEASTERN CONFERENCE.