Just a reminder to you good people out there, smile. It makes everything better, including, but not limited to, a 52-point loss at home to a team you thought you'd challenge for the SEC West title.
Seems like he's holding it together pretty well.
TEXAS PETE POWER POLL HEAT INDEX CHILI PEPPERS
Ranking those who carried on while others around them were crushed by failure and/or incompetence.
1. Will Muschamp
Back-to-back SEC road wins, a minimum number of eye-murders, and anyone who sucks the life out of Tennessee is champion of my list.
2. Nick Saban
Beats a division opponent 52-0 on the road, complains reserve players weren't ready when they got some garbage time, and decides this week is pink Masters shirt time:
SO FRAT, Y'ALL!
3. Jeff Driskel
It's possible Texas A&M's defense stinks (no question that Tennessee's does), but Driskel has achieved the attribute of "every now and then, he can make some really nice plays."
4. Connor Shaw's shoulder
That's some strong bone density there. A lesser bone would have crumbled on the third or fourth hit it took back in the Vanderbilt game.
5. Aaron Murray
Averaged a boring 18 yards PER ATTEMPT against Florida Atlantic. This is exactly 9 times greater than Chris Todd's career average.
6. Johnny Manziel
418 total yards and 6 touchdowns, most likely done at a frenetic pace that makes me inexplicably anxious while watching him.
7. Kliff Kingsbury's non-stereotypical coach sunglasses
Ryan Gosling will play him in the feature film.
8. Dan Mullen
There's something to be said about avoiding a total bedshitting against a team that lost at home the previous week to Louisiana-Lafayette, 37-24.
9. Gene Chizik
Fought off the Arkansas killer to retain employment for another week.
10. Kiehl Frazier
Not everyone hates him this week.
JEFFERSON PILOT POWER POLL OF FAILURE
Ranking those who collapsed under the weight of their incompetence and/or lack of skill
1. John L. Smith
In the end, who ends up looking more crazy, John L. or the people who thought this would work out just fine?
2. Joker Phillips
Kentucky football needs to learn a few things from the Ole Miss/Mississippi State playbook, the two most important being don't hire unqualified coaches and never play in-state directional schools.
3. The Ole Miss Defense
As I mentioned earlier this week, there's no besmirching their effort, but trying hard and giving up 66 points and 2.3 million yards of offense calls for ALL THE TORNADO SIRENS to go off at once.
4. Maxwell Smith
Jevan Snead threw 4 interceptions in 2 separate games, and 3 picks in 3 separate games, so while things may look gloomy for young Maxwell, IT CAN GET WAY WORSE.
5. People who call in bomb threats
How about tossing us working stiffs a few hours out of the office and not giving college kids even more free time?
6. Derek Dooley
Keep that head up, coach. While you're marching towards collecting a check from Tennessee to not coach football there, you're at least behind the bomb threat guy in this poll.
7. Tyler Bray
A 1-10 (8 yards) fourth quarter will inspire this from your head coach:
8. Brandon Allen
On the bright side, his offensive line kept him from being concussed.
9. Houston Nutt
Should probably always be #1 until Ole Miss wins a conference game.
10. Nick Saban
"PAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLL, really thought the team lost focus in the last 4 minutes of the game. Not sure they have what it takes to win the national championship."