TEXAS PETE POWER POLL HEAT INDEX CHILI PEPPERS
Ranking those who carried on while others around them were crushed by failure and/or incompetence.
1. Connor Shaw
Completed 20 straight passes on the way to smashing Missouri, but more importantly, earned nothing but compliments from Steve Spurrier, which happens about as often as Spurrier not being able to get in a quick nine after practice.
2. John Chavis
If LSU's offense follows the path of last year's and the Tigers are still in the national championship race, Chavis should rent a dump truck, back it up to athletic director Joe Alleva's front door, and say, "FILL WITH MONEY, STAT."
3. Mark Richt
He gave me an excuse to kick Houston Nutt some more after destroying Nutt's "Vandy is tough to play early in the year" claim, but he also kept Todd Grantham on his leash, which, while sad for the rest of us, should be one of the feats of strength in a strongman competition.
4. Hugh Freeze
Most Ole Miss fans said before the season that if we could make it through the non-conference schedule at 3-1, that would be a pretty big accomplishment. Usually when we say something like that, we finish 2-2 or 1-3. So while things are about to get significantly rougher for Freeze, he is #WinTheDay.
5. Aaron Murray
TOUCHDOWNS AND YARDS ARE BORING, BUT THEY'RE A PART OF MY LIFE.
6. Rajion Neal
Hey, look, an endangered species in the wild - a Tennessee running back rushing for 100 yards.
7. Cobi Hamilton
10 catches for 303 yards and 3 touchdowns. Sadly for Arkansas, being awesome at wide receiver doesn't make your defense any better.
8. James Franklin (Vanderbilt)
Not choked to death on the 30-yard line by Todd Grantham
9. Johnny Manziel
Yes, it was against crap, but yet another 5 touchdown showing from what it would look like if Brett Favre's nephew had D-I talent and not Pearl River Community College talent.
10. Terry Bowden
I'm a big fan of anyone who makes Tennessee fans uncomfortable for an extended period of time.
JEFFERSON PILOT POWER POLL OF FAILURE
Ranking those who collapsed under the weight of their incompetence and/or lack of skill
1. Joker Phillips
Currently petitioning the NCAA to allow Kentucky basketball practice to start this week.
2. Morgan Newton
If Maxwell Smith's helmet comes off and he has to come out for one play, does Kentucky trust Newton enough just to go in and hand the ball off?
3. John L. Smith
Ugh, it's been an awful week for him, but the good news is that the spirit of most Arkansas fans has been sufficiently crushed and most are too busy starting Butch Davis and Jon Gruden threads on message boards to make his life miserable.
4. Greg Studrawa
The thought of LSU losing another game like they lost the national championship game often disrupts my sleeping pattern due to overwhelming excitement.
5. Gene Chizik
The Tigers have now lost four straight conference games and find themselves only 10 behind Ole Miss for the current longest SEC losing streak.
6. Kiehl Frazier
Hey, good for you, buddy. Only two interceptions this week. Good job, good effort.
7. Derek Dooley
Forced to sweat out a win over Akron led by Terry Bowden, who was also sweating heavily because his natural body temperature is 104 degrees.
8. Missouri Defense
A quarterback with a hairline fracture in his throwing shoulder completed 20 consecutive passes against this group. I once watched Eli Manning complete 17 or 18 straight against Murray State in his first career start. Though, his streak was not ruined by the end of the game, but by Joe Gunn, who had skillets for hands and was somehow deemed worthy enough to take playing time away from the best running back in school history, Deuce McAllister. David Cutcliffe is currently 18-34 overall and 6-26 in the mighty ACC at Duke.
9. Mississippi State
I hear science is making some wonderful advancements in the treatment of Little Brother AIDS. Good luck to you.
10. Nick Saban
"PAAAAAWWLLLLL, NOT SURE THIS TEAM KNOWS HOW TO CLOSE OUT GAMES. A TOUCHDOWN WITH 2 MINUTES LEFT TO FLORIDA ATLANTIS? NOT SURE WHAT SABAN IS DOING."