Two goals in five minutes in extra time NEVER EVER NEVER EVER HAPPENS.  PERIOD.  Kind of like when one of the most conservative coaches to ever coach calls for a deep pass from his own 20 with 20 seconds left, and that pass gets kicked into the air and intercepted, which leads to a game-winning field goal. 

Or kind of like a coach dominating a game 14-0, then elects to go for a fourth and short at midfield and doesn't get it, which gives great field position to an offense that had about 30 total yards of offense at that point, all of which eventually resulted in 17 points scored in less than eight minutes, costing a team a win and a coach his job.

And just because I took the time to do it, and who doesn't want to see a shirtless Jim Delany, there's also this:

(right click to see in intricate detail)

Then, even though the school hired John L. Smith to lead the team through the 2012 season, the team seemed to rally around him.  And for a little while there, it looked like Arkansas might get itself righted and have a shot at another 10-win season.  Then Saturday happened.

Three players, Marquel Wade, Maudrecus Humphrey, and Andrew Peterson, were arrested for burglarizing dorm rooms.  Wade was hit with one felony burglary count, while Humphrey and Peterson both were charged with NINE felony counts of burglary, which should make the Fulmer Cup a delight to view at EDSBS later today. 

Police arrested the three based on video surveillance from the dorm, which showed the players walking the halls and entering rooms.  Through special connections, I've run across the footage of the alleged burglaries, and present it to you here.

Watching Steve Spurrier put up a 34 on the back nine

Observing Nick Saban's yelling technique

Snooping around Saban's house that's for sale
HE'S TOTALLY LEAVING ALABAMA, Y'ALL.

Learning what Barry Switzer does at halftime

Getting a closer look at Gene Chizik's new shirt

Checking out his bid in the Bobby Petrino motorcycle auction

Showing disdain for whatever Jim Delany is farting out of his mouth

Offering recruiting advice to Dan Mullen

Whispering the selling points of the dark side to Hugh Freeze

That is a screenshot of the latest version of NCAA Football from EA Sports, which is set to be released this summer.  As you can see, Ole Miss is hanging tough with a far superior Alabama team early in the third quarter, assuming the game is set to six-minute quarters.  You can probably also assume that Ole Miss has one first down for the game and Alabama got to 21 points by kicking seven field goals.

If you could see screen shots from later in the game, things would probably go REALLY south for Ole Miss as the third quarter went on.  I would imagine something close to last year when Ole Miss trailed 17-7 at the beginning of the third quarter, and was behind 45-7 at the end of it.  Though here, I'm going to say we'd only be down 35-0, as Tyrone Nix's absence is worth at least two fewer third quarter touchdowns.

As for the actual video game, this year's game includes "live" in-game updates from Rece Davis in the ESPN studios, plus all sorts of other bells and whistles.  However, no word if the '13 version fixed the deal where all linebackers have 57-inch vertical leaps and turn your intermediate over-the-middle passing game into a series of interceptions or tipped incompletions.  That was just THE WORST, EA SPORTS.  THE WORST.

"BCS executive director Bill Hancock said one reason for the change was the commissioners listened to the fans and changed their way of thinking."

I've seen that sentence in several articles on the development of the playoff system in college football, and a more offensive sight I cannot recall.  There is one reason and one reason only why a playoff came to fruition, and that reason is money money money money money money money money money money.  SO SO SO SO SO MUCH MONEY.  I'm talking like, they can own the world's entire supply of tiny giraffes kind of money.

I mean, like open 75 new Dollywoods in a year kind of money.

Like creating, patenting, and selling jet skis that fly to the moon kind of money.

Like, we don't give a damn, we're turning the Memphis Pyramid into the world's largest Planet Hollywood restaurant money.

Like, we want to smother him with a pillow, but we don't mind posing for a picture with this guy kind of money.

So, when those in charge say they listen to anything else over money, remember, they think you could really benefit from an investment in their recently purchased Dippin' Dots empire.

The most recent plan to surface comes courtesy of Jim Delany of the Big Ten (also known as B1G or B-HARUMPH-G 10), whose administrative capabilities are unmatched in that he finds ALL THE WAYS to make everything infinitely more complicated than it should be.  His plan says that only conference champions can qualify for the playoff, but if the conference champions are not ranked in the top six in the country, they are replaced by the highest ranked team who is not a conference champion.  Or that's what I think is going on here.

For visual reference, here is a representation of the first idea, a low-fat, four-team playoff of the four highest ranked teams in the country:

And here's the top six idea, a bloated, fat, sweaty mess:

Anyway, good for Eli.  His Super Bowl victories and MVPs are mostly responsible for him getting asked to do the show, but I think he deserved the call for starting three years at Ole Miss (remember how we wasted a year of eligibility of the greatest player in school history?  WELL DONE, DAVID CUTCLIFFE.) and the best skill player he played with was Chris Collins.  Who you ask?  EXACTLY.

It's been eight seasons since Eli last played at Ole Miss and in those eight seasons, Ole Miss has had just two winning records, with total record of 38-58 (.396).  And in that pile of losses, Ole Miss fans have seen a metric ton of interceptions thrown by a host of quarterbacks, most of whom were not fit to play in the SEC.

To give you a real feel of the bloodbath, here's the tally of touchdowns and interceptions thrown since 2004:

Year     TDs     INTs
2004       7        13
2005       9        18
2006       9        10
2007      17       20
2008      27       15
2009      22       21
2010      17       14
2011       9       13 

Total:   117    124

That's four seasons in which Ole Miss did not reach double digits in touchdown passes and five seasons in which more interceptions were thrown than touchdowns.  It's a miracle any of us have enough sanity to function as contributing members of society.

By comparison, LSU, one of the top teams in the SEC West, threw 171 touchdowns and 84 interceptions in that same span.  Mississippi State, a fellow bottom-feeder, had 97 touchdowns and 112 interceptions in those eight seasons. 

So, the lesson here is, we're going to be terrible next year, probably not winning more than four or five games, but, if we can somehow find a way to throw more touchdowns than interceptions, I'll celebrate that achievement like our looming triple-overtime win over Central Arkansas.

5:41 PM